Saying Goodbye To Kya

Kya passed away on June 16th, 2019. I miss her every day and I am sure that feeling will never change. This is my letter to her, all the things I wish I could have told her before she passed away. It’s all the things I remembered as we drove, desperately trying to make it back in time to say goodbye. These are the thoughts that came in and out as I tried to sleep the rest of the way home. She really was my soulmate.

My perfect baby girl

My dearest Kya, 

Every day I wake up, the world is a little quieter since you’ve left it. There’s no more thumping of your tail on the bed as I begin to stir out of sleep. There’s no more howls of joy as I unlock the door after coming home, even if I was just out of the house for 5 minutes. The basement feels empty with the lack of dogs wrestling each other and barks of excitement when any game was afoot. 

Kya as a puppy

Kya snuggled in her blanket

Without you, the world is just a little more empty now. 

I still remember the first day I held you in my arms. You were just 8 weeks old and as I sat with you in the backseat driving home , you both threw up and peed all over the place. Then you promptly attempted to crawl into my lap for the final 5 minutes of the ride as you whined and whined. Your entrance into my life was oh-so memorable to say the least. 

Me and Kya in December 2011

Kya as a puppy dog

As you were trained in your crate at night, I would lie down on the floor beside you holding your paw through the kennel so you wouldn’t feel scared and alone. 

You even loved Christmas almost as much as I do from your very first one. I love how you adored the Christmas tree and the lights. You especially loved your stocking which I would lovingly stuff each year with toys and treats in secret. Primarily because the moment I put anything in there, you knew and wanted to get in it immediately. 

Christmas tree with my dog

Kya and I for Christmas

I’ve never bonded with another living thing the way I bonded with you, my dear sweet girl. You became a part of my heart and soul in such a real way. Through everything, you just, knew me. 

You were my best friend and at every turn I could rely on you. The way you would snuggle me immediately when I came home from a job that I absolutely despised. That first Christmas Eve when I was sick as a dog, alone at home missing the holiday celebrations. We cuddled all night as we watched Love Actually and slept together on the couch. 

Our two dogs in the townhome

When I quit my job and was struggling to build a business from scratch while going through a divorce and completely changing my life, you were there every moment. Every time I shed a tear, you were there to lick it off my face. When I wasn’t feeling well, you would snuggle into me to bring me all that Kya comfort. 

Kya on the couch looking outside

I think one of my favorite things was how you loved to be wrapped up in your dog blanket every single night. I would throw it over you and you would tuck your nose just under it, curling into an adorable ball of cuteness. You would give that big sigh that you always let out when you got really comfortable. My heart would feel whole and content. 

Through every high and low, through a few different moves, and meeting Otis who quickly became your little brother, you were resilient no matter what. 

Kya being crazy on the bed

Your personality was so big, that’s probably why it feels like there is such a giant hole in my life now. 

You were a sassy little one, always getting what you wanted and I was only too happy to give everything to you. I just wanted to give you all the happiness in the world. It kills me that I lost the opportunity to say goodbye to you before you went. 

Kya trying to make me stop working

I wanted to hold you in my arms and thank you for everything you brought into my life. I would have pet you, snuggled you, and comforted you in those final hours. You would have heard me telling you how much I love you and how I will miss you every day, forever. How proud I was that you were so strong for so long against the cancer. 

Dog sitting up

But you couldn’t hold on, and I know it’s not your fault, my love. I know you tried to hang on to say goodbye. Kya, I just hope you know that we did everything in our power to get there. We tried so hard… 

Sleeping dog on a bed

You always stayed so strong for me and I wish I could have been there to return the favor at the end.

Dog cuddling dragon on bed

I hope you knew how much I love you. I will always love you, my sweet Kya bear. You will always be my baby girl, my first and only baby girl. I will carry you with me every day. I love you. 

Yum

8 Responses to “Saying Goodbye To Kya”

  1. Lisa Patrick — July 10, 2019 at 7:33 am (#)

    I’m so sorry.. I lost my Benji to cancer. Kya is with you in spirit. Use happy memories to get through this time. I had my cat, so I wasn’t alone, but I miss him every day. I can’t have one now, but I can’t wait to get a new dog to love. Benji wouldn’t want me to be without a canine companion; he knows he’ll always be in my heart.

    • Meghan Y. — July 10, 2019 at 12:58 pm (#)

      Thank you so much Lisa, I appreciate your kind words 🙂 I hope you get a new fur baby to love soon!

  2. Lori Rice — July 10, 2019 at 11:03 am (#)

    My heart breaks for you. While the pain eventually gets a little less sharp, I honestly can’t say that it gets any better. She looks very well loved and I hope all your happy memories bring you peace and comfort.

    • Meghan Y. — July 10, 2019 at 12:59 pm (#)

      Thank you Lori 🙂 The happy memories are what’s getting me through right now.

  3. Brianna — July 10, 2019 at 4:24 pm (#)

    So so sweet. What a lovely goodbye for her. She and you were so lucky to have one another. Sending all my love and hugs 💕

  4. charlene taylor — July 10, 2019 at 6:19 pm (#)

    I am so sorry for your loss. I have had to say goodbye to many pets in my 61 years and it never gets any easier. It’s all those memories and all that love tat you so beautifully described that keeps your pet close to your heart forever. Your special girl was very lucky to have such a loving mom!

  5. Elizabeth — July 11, 2019 at 11:23 am (#)

    I am so very sorry for your loss. Your beautiful Kya knew that you loved her and I am sure that she knew you were there in spirit. The love of our fur kids is so unique and special. My Munchen was the same to me as your Kya was to you, and it was the most pain I have ever felt in my life when she left this world even now I cry 4 years layer missing her. Your life is better and richer for having this sweet pup in your life.

  6. Brian Hill — July 14, 2019 at 5:47 pm (#)

    Your love for each other and good life together is very apparent. Dogs are people too. I hope your devoted companion’s soul is gazing at all of Earth peacefully. 

Leave a Comment